


Sound of silence

by StrangeNoise



Series: Breaking the silence [2]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Apologies, Arguing, Bad Flirting, Drunkenness, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Frottage, Gavin makes a fool of himself, Hand Jobs, Heartbreak, Intoxication, Introspection, M/M, Niles turtleneck makes an appearance in this again, One Night Stands, Pining, Start of Relationship, drunk arguments, embarassing texts, it's not much but can never tag enough, mentions of assault, no beta we die like men, there's just so much conflict in this second chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-02-27 07:48:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18734734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrangeNoise/pseuds/StrangeNoise
Summary: After their night together Gavin just can't seem to stop thinking about Niles but when he tries to contact him, he's quickly shut down. Deciding not to let it bother him and trying to forget about Niles, Gavin is thrown for a loop, when he suddenly stands in front of the man again.Sequel to "Enjoy the silence".





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well...this took longer than expected.
> 
> I'm really sorry this took so long. I meant to get this out sooner but writers block got in the way. Anyway, here it is. I'll just awkwardly shimmy myself out of here.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

In the upcoming three weeks, Gavin lives in denial. He sticks Niles’ business card to the fridge with a magnet and every time he walks past he’s torn between calling him and throwing the damn thing away. Deep down, he knows that he wants to call him, wants to see him again. But some other part of him refuses to be that someone, who can’t let go after a one night stand. Still, he can’t help feeling there’s something special about Niles that makes him unable to forget about their night together.  
  
And yet, he holds himself back, wonders how he’d feel if someone hit him up weeks after sleeping with him and asking to see him again. He’d probably block their number and flee the country for a few weeks for good measure. The more Gavin thinks about it, the more he comes to the conclusion that he should just forget about Niles. Yes, the time they had shared had been amazing and Gavin had brought himself off to the memory of it more times than he was comfortable admitting even to himself but there were other people out there that were just as good as Niles, who would want more than just one night.  
  
A few nights after the decision to finally forget about Niles, Gavin finds himself back at the bar, where they first met. It’s nothing to do with that, he tells himself. He’s always liked this bar and there’s never a lack of attractive men. But almost two hours in Gavin turns the third guy trying to flirt with him down. Neither he nor the two men, who came before him, had managed to pique Gavin’s interest. Ordering another beer, Gavin tells himself that they just hadn’t been his type but another hour and another failed attempt at flirting later he has to admit to himself that the sole reason he isn’t reacting to their flirting like he normally would, is that none of them are Niles.  
  
Frustrated by himself and his stupid inability of mentally letting go of Niles, Gavin pays his tab and heads for the door. There he bumps into a young man, who also seems to be leaving and just might be the way to save Gavin’s night. The guy is just a little taller than Gavin himself but he’s slim, has dark-brown hair and wears dark clothes. It’s close enough to Niles that Gavin allows himself to go into full-on seduction mode with the younger man. Given the first look, he gives Gavin is one of approval but also hunger, there’s not much convincing needed to make him come home with Gavin.  
  
An hour later sees Gavin wide awake in his bed, while his conquest snores softly beside him. Gavin has his phone in his hand and thinks about contacting Niles for the hundredth time in the past few minutes. He has already typed out a message. All he has left to do is press ‘send’. And, really, what’s the worst that could happen? Niles could turn him down and/or block his number, forcing Gavin to move on. He can do that. He just didn’t want to yet because there’s always the possibility of Niles reacting positively to Gavin approaching him. But Gavin does nothing. He stares at his screen reading and rereading his text again and again until he knows it word by word. It’s not overly pushy, nor could his intentions be misunderstood. It’s the best Gavin can do and he should really just send it.  
  
But the idea of Niles turning him down pops up in his head again and his finger draws back from the part of his screen, where it says ‘send’. He’s rapidly sobering up and with every passing minute, this text seems like less of a good idea. Then, Gavin turns to his side and takes a look at the man sleeping next to him. The guy, he had only picked up because he looks somewhat like Niles. With the alcohol loosening its grip on Gavin’s brain and reasoning, he realizes how very much he isn’t into this guy and how he can’t wait to have him out of the house come morning. In the sparse light provided by a street lamp outside, he doesn’t even look that much like Niles, if Gavin is honest with himself. And if he was willing enough to take the guy home just for vaguely looking like the man he’d much rather have in his bed right now that has to count for something, right?  
  
Not-Niles keeps on snoring next to Gavin as he turns around to lie on his other side, taking most of the bedcover with him. Gavin sighs, presses ‘send’ and then immediately puts his phone out of reach to finally get some sleep.  
  
The next morning, checking his phone is not the first thing Gavin does. Instead, when he wakes up, he notes with relief that his hook-up has already left. In his stead, one of his cats is curled up on the pillow. When Gavin extends a hand to pet her, she gives him an accusatory look and meows loudly before hopping off the bed and sitting down by the door. Gavin checks his alarm and realizes his cats would have expected breakfast long ago and that he has gotten very lucky to have been allowed to sleep in like this in peace.  
  
Unwillingly, he gets out of bed and pads into the kitchen, where he’s quickly surrounded by all three of his cats. They let him pet them for a bit but the moment he fills their bowls they lose interest in him. Not that Gavin would want the attention right now, anyway. He leaves the kitchen again and heads for the bathroom. He feels like it’s going to take a long, hot shower to wash off the overpowering scent of his conquests cheap cologne and sighs at the thought of it. That probably means he’ll have to change the sheets, too and he’s in no mood for that.  
  
After he’s done showering, Gavin does change the sheets. He also drinks more coffee than is probably advisable to get himself into somewhat of a functioning shape and watches a bit of daytime tv. It isn’t until he thinks about asking Tina if she wants to go grab a bite to eat around two in the afternoon that he even remembers texting Niles the night before. Shame, regret and excitement flood through his body all at once and he doesn’t need a mirror to know that his face has gone bright red at the memory. His fingers are trembling slightly as he unlocks his phone. There is no reply. He opens the messenger app and accesses Nines’ contact. ‘This user has blocked you’ it says and Gavin wants to throw his phone out the window. Good to know he had at least made a complete fool of himself before finally getting it through his thick skull that Niles isn’t interested in him.  
  
Well shit.  
  
Before he knows what he’s done, Gavin has called Tina and arranged to meet her at a nearby park to chat for a bit. He refuses to think of Niles until then. Gavin has spent more than enough time thinking about a guy, who’s obviously not interested in him but that ends today. From this day on, Gavin will never again think of the guy. He stalks into the kitchen, takes the business card from the fridge and tears it to shreds before throwing it in the trash. Ignoring the ache that spreads from his chest all the way down to his stomach, Gavin grabs his jacket and heads out to meet his friend.  
  
  
  
“I heard Fowler wants you to attend this big thing they’re organizing next week”, Tina tells him over coffee, once they have settled down in a small café near the park. Gavin immediately groans into his cup at the news. He hates networking. Don’t get him wrong, he can be charming as hell if he wants to but deliberately kissing some higher-ups’ asses to get a new terminal or maybe some new patrol cars for the precinct is something he absolutely loathes. Luckily, Fowler usually finds someone else to accompany him – which probably has, at least in part, something to do with the infamousness of Gavin’s attitude towards people – but this time, it seems, Gavin can’t escape it.  
  
“Thanks for warning me, Ti”, he sighs and pours more sugar into his coffee than is probably necessary, “Although sometimes I worry, where you get all this certainly classified information from.” It’s not like he actually cares all that much either way. Tina’s been a huge gossipmonger ever since he first met her and if whatever she finds out helps him in some way, Gavin isn’t going to complain.  
  
“Just be glad I warned you”, Tina replies promptly, waving her hand in a dismissive gesture, “I’ve heard someone mention you’ve been chosen for being such a promising young detective, so you better not fuck this up by turning Fowler down or acting like an ass at the event.” Gavin almost spits out the coffee in his mouth. He knows he’s doing fairly well at work but to find out he was being taken to an important event by his boss because someone considers him a promising figure on the force is the ego-boost he needs right now. Suddenly, Niles isn’t at the forefront of Gavin’s thoughts anymore and it’s a relief.  
  
“I shouldn’t have said that”, Tina says at Gavin’s proud grin and rolls her eyes, “Should’ve known it’d bloat your ego for weeks to come.”  
  
“You’re the best, Ti”, Gavin tells her, ignoring her rolling her eyes and pulling her into an awkward side-hug despite her protests.  
  
“What is it with you?!”, Tina whines and raises a brow once Gavin has let go of her again, “I haven’t seen you this happy since that guy you’d been after for weeks finally sucked your dick at that party.”  
  
“Nothing”, Gavin lies with a big grin on his face, “You’ve just given me a massive confidence boost. That’s all.” Gavin usually is a very good liar but there’s nothing he can hide from Tina. They’ve known each other for ages, though, and respect each other’s boundaries and if he doesn’t want to talk about it, Tina won’t ask. She simply raises an eyebrow, waiting for Gavin to let her in on whatever’s making him so happy. But Gavin doesn’t and instead continues sipping his coffee with a smug smirk on his face that won’t leave until hours after their conversation has ended.  
  
It isn’t until late in the evening when Gavin is already on his way to bed and notices his cats have knocked over the wastebasket in the kitchen again that something puts a damper on his mood. Gavin kneels down and picks the stray pieces of paper and plastic wraps up, chiding his cats as he goes along – until he picks up a scrap of paper with the name ‘Niles’ on it. He recognizes the shred as part of the business card he tore apart earlier and quickly disposes of it again. But his mood is ruined. He’d done so well not thinking about Niles for most of the day and now he’s back to pining. There’s an ache in his chest as he thinks of Niles’ text from earlier and he realizes with sudden clarity that he still wants to meet the man again. God, he’s a hopeless case.  
  
Gavin finally gets into bed but ends up tossing and turning for hours on end. By the end of it, he’s thoroughly worked up and pissed at himself. He’s never been this upset about being rejected before and he decides that this has to stop right here and now. If Niles doesn’t want him that’s his loss. Gavin’s done crying about not being given a second chance. From now on, he’ll be living his best life and make Niles regret he shot him down by being as successful as he can be. Gavin keeps up his little mental pep-talk and by the time he finally nods off, he has almost convinced himself that he won’t ever think about Nines again.  
  
  
  
A week later Gavin stands in the middle of a crowd, champagne glass in hand and bored out of his mind. Thirty minutes into the evening, he remembers exactly why he hates these types of events. After his arrival, he talked to one of the higher-ups and the CEO of a security service. Both conversations had been nice but didn’t last very long. Now, everyone is busy chatting and networking and Gavin is alone with his champagne and has no idea, who he should talk to or even if he wants to talk to anyone at all. Most of the other attendees are either members of the DPD or work for some company that is somehow tied to the Detroit police force. Gavin has no idea what to talk about with either of those groups of people.  
  
To not seem entirely left out, Gavin moves to one of the bar tables and looks at a list of companies that are attending tonight’s event. One of the names seems vaguely familiar but for the life of him, Gavin can’t remember, where he could have seen it before. That is until he lifts his head and sees a familiar face in the crowd not too far away. Suddenly Gavin remembers that the company’s name is the one he read on Niles’ business card and the man in question is idly chatting with a few DPD members.  
  
Gavin’s heart drops all the way down to his knees as he stares at Niles from a few feet away. He’s just as gorgeous as he remembers him and he’s _here_. All kinds of thoughts are racing through Gavin’s mind as he tries to figure out what he wants to do next. He had managed not to think too much about Niles this past week but seeing him again, now, makes him want to just walk over. Gavin has no idea what he would even say to Niles but he’s sure he’s being given a chance here and he doesn’t want to let it slip away. When he sees Niles end the conversation and turn around to go elsewhere, he quickly downs his champagne and squeezes through several groups of people to follow the brunet. If Gavin loses him now, he feels deep down that he will never see him again and he doesn’t want that to happen. At least not without one last talk.  
He almost loses sight of Niles twice, before he gets close enough to reach out and grab the man by the wrist.  
  
“Hey, Niles, wait!”, Gavin calls out as loudly as he dares and winces when a few people turn around to look at him. At the same time, Niles turns around and gives Gavin a confused look out of wide dark brown eyes. Wait. Weren’t Niles eyes blue?  
  
Gavin lets go of the stranger and recoils as if he had been burned. All the blood in his body rushes to his face and even the tips of his ears are burning with shame. Leave it to Gavin to make an absolute fool of himself at a work event.  
  
“Shit, sorry, I thought…I was looking for someone else”, he stammers but the man in front of him is already smiling again.  
  
“It’s fine”, he says and waves it off like it’s nothing, “You called me Niles, didn’t you?” Gavin nods, still begging for the ground to swallow him whole and save him from this advanced level awkwardness he got himself into.  
  
“Sorry to disappoint you but my name’s Connor”, the brunet introduces himself, “Niles is my twin brother, though. People confuse us all the time so no need for you to work yourself up about it. You’re hardly the first.” Relief and confusion wash over Gavin in equal measures. A twin brother. Who would’ve thought? For the most part, he’s just glad that Connor was willing to laugh away the mix-up and not torment Gavin any further about it. Now that he thinks about it, he even thinks he vaguely remembers Connor from that night he met Niles at the bar.  
  
“If you’re looking for my brother, I can take you to him”, Connor offers next, dragging Gavin out of his spiral of thoughts. His eyes widen and before he knows it, he agrees. Connor smiles and guides him through the groups of people, asking about his brother here and there until they end up out in the hallway in front of the main hall and wait for Niles to finish a conversation with another company CEO. Gavin’s heart is racing and almost leaps out of his chest when Niles turns slightly and he sees him wearing a black turtleneck underneath his jacket. Gavin wonders if it’s the one from their night together and promptly has to fight down a blush again.  
  
Finally, Niles is done with his conversation and heads towards Gavin and Connor. When his gaze lands on Gavin, his eyebrows shoot up on his forehead for a second, before he reigns his expression in again. Once he stands in front of them, he is smiling pleasantly, as is Connor.  
  
“This gentleman would like to talk to you”, Connor tells Niles, who turns towards Gavin again and raises a brow once more.  
  
“Does he now”, the brunet says coolly but Gavin is sure he catches an undercurrent of annoyance, “What do you want to talk about?”  
  
“It’s a private matter”, Gavin replies to his own surprise. He hadn’t expected himself to be able to form words. It’s embarrassing, really. He’s in Niles’ company again and like the first time, the man turns him into a mumbling idiot that would bow to all of Niles’ whims.  
  
“Maybe we should find somewhere else to talk”, he suggests next and sees Niles fighting with himself. He doesn’t seem very happy about the idea of being alone with Gavin but he can’t very well turn him down just like that without having to come up with some sort of explanation for Connor at some point. Suddenly, Gavin feels bad for putting this much pressure on Niles and is about to retreat, when the brunet caves.  
  
“Fine”, he sighs, looking not one bit satisfied with his decision, “You’ll get your talk.” Niles gestures for Gavin to follow him, turns on his heel and stalks down the nearest corridor. Gavin barely has time to thank a very confused looking Connor, before he has to jog after Niles, heart still pounding in his chest and with no idea what to say once they’re actually alone together…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this ended up being waaaaaay longer than I expected. And there's just so much conflict in this ugh. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

Gavin follows Niles down the corridor and watches as the brunet checks several doors before he finds one that is unlocked and slips into the room behind it. Hurrying inside behind him, Gavin closes the door only to be met with Niles’ furious gaze as soon as he turns to him.  
  
   
  
“So you’re stalking me now, is that it?!”, the brunet hisses, towering over Gavin. His blue eyes are dark with rage and for a few long seconds, Gavin is speechless.  
  
   
  
“What the fuck! No!”, he exclaims once he’s found his voice again, “I’m here for work. I’m a cop, okay?!” Niles sneers and rolls his eyes as if to say ‘yeah right’. Luckily, Gavin has his badge on him and pulls it from the inside pocket of his jacket to show it to Niles. The brunet looks at it for a moment, then relaxes slightly.  
  
  
“Fine, you’re not here because of me. But you tried to find me nonetheless”, Niles insists, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he walks away from Gavin to lean against the wall on the other side of the room.  
  
   
  
“No…I mean, yeah, kinda”, Gavin admits, trying to sort through the chaos in his head. Seeing Niles again is more stressful than he would have thought and his brain isn’t really cooperating. Niles raises a brow and Gavin feels like he is talking himself into more trouble than he knows how to get out of.  
  
   
  
“Look, I wasn’t looking for you specifically, okay?”, he begins again, “But then I saw your brother and thought he was you. He was really nice about it and lead me to you…and now we’re here.” Gavin swallows, doing his best to stay focused on the conversation at hand and not on how Niles’ turtleneck contrasts beautifully with his pale skin.  
  
   
  
“Oh, of course, that’s way better”, Niles comments sarcastically, “I tell you I’m not interested and the first thing you do is to go after the next best person that looks like me. That’s not creepy at all.” Gavin thinks about the guy from the bar he picked up for looking like Niles and suddenly feels very guilty and extremely creepy.  
  
   
  
“I’m sorry, okay?”, he sighs and runs a hand through his hair, “All I wanted was to talk to you and I probably got a bit carried away in the process.” Niles scoffs at that.  
  
  
“Fine, you’ve got one minute”, he says then, “Say what you want to say. If by some miracle you manage to persuade me to stay, I’ll stay. If not, you’ll never contact me or my brother or anyone I know in any way, shape or form ever again. Your time starts now.”  
  
   
  
Gavin is so taken aback by the sudden opportunity and the conditions attached that he doesn’t know what to say for a full ten seconds. Realizing he’s wasting precious time, he makes up for lost time by rambling like a lunatic.  
  
   
  
“Fuck, okay, I know this is very creepy and super inappropriate and I’m sorry”, he begins, looking up at Niles, who is looking very much unimpressed, “It’s just that I’m usually really good at keeping one time things…well, a one-time thing. But with you it’s different and I don’t know why but I think it has to mean something, right? Still, I’m really sorry if I overstepped and I get that I’, being a huge weirdo but if you give me a chance I’ll make sure you won’t regret it. I just think you should give us a chance. I felt a real connection the first time we met and maybe you did too. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, I’d really like to take you out on a date if you’ll let me. I believe things could work out between us.”  
  
   
  
By the end of his little monologue, Gavin’s chest is heaving and his already thundering heartbeat has picked up even more. He’s also pretty sure he’s sweating profusely and if anyone offered him a shower right now, Gavin would gladly accept it. As it is, all he can do is stare at Niles, who’s still leaning against the wall on the other side of the room and wait for his verdict.  
  
After a few moments, Niles steps away from his spot and walks back over to Gavin. He stands right in front of him and lets the shorter man feel every inch he has on him.  
  
   
  
“So you think things could work out between us?”, he asks, a dangerous edge to his voice, “You want to know what I think?” Gavin nods despite himself. From his posture and voice, Niles’ answer is already pretty clear but Gavin still wants him to say it, needs him to say what he really thinks. Even if it’s only to be shut down again and hopefully get some kind of closure out of it.  
  
   
  
“I think you’re a desperate, horny piece of shit, who can’t tell a good fuck from an actual crush”, Niles hisses, looking Gavin directly into the eyes as he says it, “You know nothing about me but somehow assume to know what I want or need. For the record: I am not interested in you and I never will be and you better get that through your thick skull because the next time you get within a hundred feet radius of me I’ll get a fucking restraining order.” When Niles stops talking, the silence that follows is suffocating. The tension in the room is so thick, one could cut it with a knife and Gavin’s sure he’s never been this uncomfortable in his life.  
  
   
  
“Am I understood?”, Niles asks after a few moments and Gavin feels sick. Niles is just kicking someone, who’s already down and he must know it. Gavin wouldn’t have taken him for a sadist but it seems he is very wrong about many things these days.  
  
   
  
“Loud and clear”, he croaks out, straightening his back and pushing his chin forward to make himself appear taller than he actually is. If the only thing left to do for him is not to let Niles see how much his words affect him, then that’s what he’ll do.  
  
   
  
“Good”, Niles answers tonelessly, takes a step back and then walks right past Gavin and out of the room. He takes all the tension with him and once he’s alone all Gavin wants is to collapse on the floor. Adrenaline is seeping out of him and leaves behind an empty shell of a person. For a solid minute, all that’s in Gavin’s head is static. There are no racing thoughts or feelings of hurt or heartbreak. Gavin expects those to come once his brain has processed what has just happened. But even when the turmoil in his head calms down, there’s nothing. Gavin just feels hollow.  
  
   
  
He considers sneaking away, telling Fowler he doesn’t feel too good – which is not a lie – and then going straight home. If he texted Tina, they could arrive at his place at the same time. Tina would bring ice cream and terrible movies and while they sat on the couch she would tell him what an asshole Niles is and that he’s going to be fine. The thought is comforting and Gavin has already pulled his phone out of his pocket when he hesitates. Somehow he doesn’t want to tell anyone, not even his best friend, about this horrific chain of events. Gavin knows Tina won’t judge him. She never does. But on some level, Gavin comes to realize, he judges himself.  
  
   
  
Up until now, he’s been the one to make fun of people for contacting him after a one night stand. He used to laugh about them with Tina, wondering aloud how lonely and desperate those people had to be to not be able to let go after one night. One very persistent guy had even received a very similar speech to the one Niles had just delivered. Now that he has been on the receiving end of one, Gavin suddenly feels like he owes the guy an apology. In fact, he wishes he had handled a lot of situations differently. But it’s too late for that now. This time, he’s the one who’s getting his feelings belittled and heart stepped on and the fact that he’s done this to others countless times makes Gavin not want to talk about his pain. He doesn’t want to tell Tina only to watch her try to weasel her way through an explanation of why this totally different from what he did to other people. In the end, Gavin figures, he treated lots of guys like shit and now karma’s gotten back at him. No big deal. He can get back on his feet just fine on his own. Maybe not tonight, though.  
  
   
  
Gavin has no idea how long he’s been in that room by himself when he finally gathers the courage to leave it again. Despite not wanting to get Tina involved in any of this, his original plan still stands: He’ll slip out of this place, go home and maybe get drunk on the couch. He makes it almost all the way to the front door when Fowler calls out his name.  
  
   
  
“There you are”, his boss says, putting a hand on Gavin’s shoulder and forcing him to turn back around, “There’s someone, who really wants to talk to you.” Fowler gestures towards a group of gentlemen in their late forties or early fifties. Gavin is in no mood to smile and entertain a bunch of people he doesn’t know but the grip Fowler has on his shoulder is tight as a vice and his boss’s gaze seems to say ‘refuse and you can clean out your desk first thing come Monday’. So Gavin puts on the brightest, most charismatic smile he can muster and does his best to be the obedient little lapdog Fowler wants him to be.  
  
   
  
He ends up talking to more people than he can count for at least two more hours. Gavin hates every second of it but has to admit it had its benefits when upon returning home, he’s so thoroughly exhausted that he collapses on his bed and passes out before his head even hits the pillow.  
  
   
  
   
  
The following four weeks come and go without anything out of the ordinary happening. Gavin sleeps, eats, fucks and goes to work just like he usually does. Only with the added task of banishing each and every thought of Niles from his mind. By now, they come more with feelings of shame and embarrassment rather than ones of longing but Gavin still does all he can to stop himself from thinking about Niles. And for the most part, it works. Sometimes the memory creeps up on Gavin, though, and he cringes for a good thirty seconds before going back to whatever it was he had been doing. All in all, life is okay.  
  
   
  
That is until Gavin sits on the couch one Saturday evening watching a movie and his phone rings. He frowns. His first thought is that it’s work calling him on his day off to ask him to come in because something important came up. But Gavin has Fowler’s number and that of many other co-workers saved in his phone and what shows up on his display is an unknown number. Not wanting to deal with whatever it is the person on the other end of the line could throw at him, Gavin declines the call.  
  
   
  
Not thirty seconds later his phone goes off again. It’s the same number and Gavin reacts in much the same way he has before. He frowns and wonders if anyone he knows might have gotten a new number and if he should just answer the phone. For the moment, he decides against it. He has a very strict ‘not answering calls from unknown numbers unless I’m on a case’ policy and he isn’t going to break with it now. Or at least that’s what he thinks. By the time his phone rings for the fifth time Gavin’s seriously pissed off but when he takes it in hand to decline the call once more, he hesitates. If whoever is calling him is this hellbent on talking to him, they probably won’t stop if he keeps hanging up again and again. On a whim, he opts for accepting the call this time and telling the person on the other line to fuck off.  
  
   
  
“What do you want?!”, Gavin barks into his phone and for a moment there is silence.  
  
   
  
“Oh my god you finally picked up”, a familiar voice on the other of the line says then, “Why the fuck did you hang up on me like this?!” Gavin freezes when he realizes who he is talking to.  
  
  
“Niles?”, he asks incredulously. To say that Niles is pretty low on the list of people he would expect to call him is an understatement. From one second to the other, Gavin’s heart is beating out of his chest as he listens to Niles snort.  
  
   
  
“Yeah it’s me, get over it”, the brunet says, then clears his throat, “No need to lose your marbles over a simple phone call. A few weeks ago you would’ve begged me for that.”  
  
   
  
“That was before you threatened to press charges if I dared to even look at you from across the street”, Gavin replies dryly. His thoughts are spinning wildly through his head and he simply spits out the first words that jump to the forefront of his mind. If he were more in control of himself, he might ask questions or steer the conversation in a direction that leads somewhere but as it is, Gavin is too overwhelmed with whatever is happening right now to find it in himself to be clever.  
  
   
  
“I guess I said that”, Niles replies and for the first time Gavin realizes the brunet’s words are rather slurred, “But that was sober-me. He’s no fun. Don’t listen to him.” Suddenly, many things fall into place. This is just Niles drunk dialing Gavin for whatever reason. It would be amusing if it didn’t also leave a hollow feeling behind in Gavin’s chest.  
  
   
  
“Is there anything you wanted to tell me?”, Gavin asks, changing course in hopes that he can end this conversation quickly. Even if he’s not interested in Niles anymore – and he definitely isn’t, he keeps reminding himself – he’s in no mood to listen to the brunet ramble on and say things he might not mean.  
  
   
  
“Oh, yes, of course”, Niles says almost instantly, “But I’d rather come over and tell you in person.” Gavin’s heart sinks at that. It’s simultaneously something he very much wants and at the same time feels like he shouldn’t let it happen. He managed to move on these past weeks but somewhere deep down Gavin knows that the moment he lets Niles into his life again all of it will be reset.  
  
   
  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea”, Gavin eventually croaks out but Niles only lets out a dismissive grunt as a reply, “I’m sure it’s nothing you can’t tell me over the phone…”  
  
   
  
“I could tell you, sure”, Niles admits, “But I don’t want to. Just come on and tell me where you live. It won’t take long.”  
  
   
  
“I can just hang up on you, you know?”, Gavin tells him, trying to make it sound like an actual threat. He does want to hang up but part of him holds him back for a reason he’d rather not dwell on for too long.  
  
   
  
“Then I’ll just call you again until you listen to me”, Niles replies with an intoxicated giggle, “I think you already know how insistent I can be.”  
  
   
  
“Yeah, I got that”, Gavin sighs, “But I could just turn my phone off, you know?” He says it as if he means it. As if he wouldn’t keep the damn thing turned on and watch it ring and go to voicemail with his heart beating rapidly in his chest every damn time Niles called. Gavin wants to be mad at himself for being so weak, for letting Niles play him like a fiddle and indulging all his whims without ever getting anything in return but he can’t even do that. Instead, he stays silent, waiting for whatever the man on the other end of the line has to say next.  
  
   
  
“You could but you won’t”, is all Niles says and it’s so disarming, Gavin actually doesn’t know what to say now. He opens and closes his mouth a few times but nothing of substance comes out. His brain is working overtime, trying to find a way for him to deny it but in the end, he can’t.  
  
  
“Fine, I’ll text you my address”, Gavin tells Niles, then immediately ends the call. He hesitates for several long seconds before he punches his address into the messenger app and sends the text.  
  
   
  
The next twenty minutes are agony. Gavin turns off the tv that had been running all through his conversation with Niles and starts pacing the flat. He puts a few things away to make it seem a little more cleaned up, then curses himself for it. Not even the company of his cats can calm Gavin down and he’s two seconds from getting the bottle of vodka he knows is somewhere at the back of his fridge. But then the doorbell rings.  
  
  
Gavin simultaneously feels hot and cold at once. For a hot minute, he considers simply not opening the door. But he knows that Niles won’t accept that and will either keep ringing, call him again or both. Gavin takes a deep, steadying breath before he buzzes Niles in and waits for the brunet to climb the stairs to his third-floor apartment.  
  
   
  
When Niles stands in front of him, Gavin’s jaw almost drops. The brunet looks about as drunk as he sounds and it’s a ridiculously good look on him. He doesn’t seem as uptight and drawn-back as he usually does when there’s no hair out of place and his tight black clothes hug his body like a second skin. The skinny black jeans he wears are still very much on brand for Niles but the large band shirt that slips off his left shoulder is an unfamiliar sight for Gavin. As is the way Niles' hair is tousled and curlier than he has ever seen it. The sight of the usually calm and collected man now giggly and smiling on his doorstep has Gavin’s thoughts drifting off to directions they have no right to be. It takes Gavin all of his willpower to reign himself back in and ask Niles to come in.  
  
   
  
The brunet stumbles inside and looks around his living room with unabashed curiosity for a moment or two. He hums as he goes and eventually comes to a stop in front of the couch.  
  
   
  
“There’s something you wanted to tell me”, Gavin reminds him after closing the door and following Niles into the living room. He doesn’t mean to be rude but he feels he needs to get Niles to leave again soon before - between his own yearning for the man and Niles’ intoxication -  they do something stupid.  
  
   
  
“Oh, right”, Niles giggles and for a moment he sounds as if he had actually forgotten why he had come here in the first place. Then, his expression turns serious – or at least as serious as someone as drunk as Niles can manage.  
  
   
  
“I wanted to tell you I’m sorry”, the brunet tells Gavin and it sounds so honest Gavin actually wants to believe him, “I said some things the last time we met that were really not okay. And I want to make it up to you.”  
  
   
  
“Thanks, I guess…”, Gavin replies dumbly, not entirely sure what to make of the situation. On one hand, he’s more than happy to accept an apology from Niles, on the other hand, there seems to be something that apology entails that he hasn’t entirely seen through yet and it makes him uncomfortable. He gets an idea, though, when Niles takes a few steps towards him, invading his personal space. He smiles as he does so and it makes something in Gavin’s chest that he thought had been buried beg for attention again. But at the moment, Gavin is too busy dealing with whatever Niles’ has planned for them to pay it any mind.  
  
   
  
“You know, I thought about what you said last time and you were actually kind of cute”, Niles continues, his expression utterly soft for the first time. Gavin wants to believe him, allow himself to consider the possibility of Niles just having had a bad day at that work event and trying to forget about what happened so maybe they can move forward together after all. He really does. But there’s something inside him that prevents him from doing so. Maybe it’s fear, maybe some form of self-preservation. All Gavin knows is that it’s keeping him from falling for Niles all over again and he feels like that’s probably for the better at the moment. After all, the brunet is rather drunk and might say things he’ll regret come morning.  
  
   
  
“Let me show you how I really feel about you”, Niles breathes and takes one more step towards Gavin, leaving them pressed chest to chest. Suddenly, Gavin has a very clear idea of what the brunet is going to do and he isn’t too sure if he wants to let it happen.  
  
   
  
Then, one of Niles’ hands is on his waist and the brunet is moving in to kiss Gavin. The smaller man is still indecisive beyond measure and his heart is beating frantically in his chest but that all stops when he smells Niles’ breath. There’s so much alcohol on it that Gavin feels like he could get alcohol poisoning just from breathing the brunet in for a minute too long. Suddenly, Gavin wonders how much Niles actually had to drink and how he managed to get to his apartment in one piece. He doesn’t dwell on these thoughts for too long, though, because he finally manages to make up his mind about whether he wants Niles to kiss him or not.  
  
   
  
When Niles’ lips crash onto his, Gavin keeps them firmly closed and moves his hands to press against Niles’ chest and force them apart. Niles looks breathless and confused and there’s even a little hurt in his expression.  
  
   
  
“What’s wrong?”, he asks and it sounds like he honestly has no idea what is bothering Gavin, “I thought this is what you wanted.”  
  
   
  
“It is”, Gavin says and it’s as much an admission to Niles as it is to himself. Strangely enough, it feels like a victory and a crushing defeat rolled into one.  
  
   
  
“But I can’t do this…or anything with you right now”, he tells Niles and watches the brunet look even more confused, “You’re absolutely shit-faced and I don’t want you to do anything that you’ll regret in the morning.” Gavin doesn’t expect praise for his chivalry. If he’s honest with himself it’s more basic human decency anyway. But another thing he hadn’t expected is Niles’ expression going from bewilderment to mild annoyance and from there to outright anger.  
  
   
  
“Oh, please, don’t act like you’re doing me a favor here”, the brunet snarls and crosses his arms in front of his chest, “You’ve been after me ever since we fucked that one time and I’ve turned you down time and again even though I can still see how badly you still want me and now that I finally offer you’re telling me no?! Who are you trying to kid here, huh?” Gavin’s hands ball into fists by his side. This is ridiculous and he wants nothing more than Niles out of his house. He knows he’s doing the right thing even though he knows deep down that he’d take Niles to bed in any other circumstances and all he gets in return is more abuse from the brunet.  
  
   
  
“Well, why don’t you just fuck off if me not assaulting you is such a fucking bother to you?”, he growls, anger boiling in his chest, “What do you want from me?! Do you want me to tell you that you’re right? That I’d be on my knees to worship you instantly if you weren’t so goddamn drunk?! That I have a lot of feelings for you that you obviously don’t return?!” Gavin is shouting by now and he knows. His neighbors are going to complain but he doesn’t care. With every word from his lips, a tension he hadn’t even known was there floods from his body. Admitting to his feelings for Niles, even if it’s in this less than ideal fashion, is cathartic and when he is done yelling, Gavin feels lighter than he has in weeks.  
  
   
  
Unfortunately, Niles doesn’t find his outburst quite as charming. In fact, he looks even more pissed.  
  
   
  
“What the hell is your damage?”, he asks, his voice dangerously low and with an ice-cold edge to it, “You keep talking about how you feel around me and wanting to worship me as if you weren’t just some dude, who got attached after a good lay. This means nothing to me. I was only trying to make it up to you for being such a dick the last time we talked but if you don’t want that I can just leave.”  
  
   
  
Gavin takes several steadying breaths, trying to prevent himself from saying something he might regret later.  
  
   
  
“I don’t believe that’s the only reason you came here”, he tells Niles and for a split-second, he’s sure the brunet is going to grab the next best thing and throw it at him, “And if you’re not telling me why you’re really here just…fucking leave, okay? I can deal with you not liking me the way I like you but I’m not gonna be some plaything for you to engage with and then put away again whenever you please. You got that?”  
  
   
  
Across from Gavin, Niles is fuming. It seems like he wants to say or do something but doesn’t know what so he just digs his fingernails into his own arms, where they’re still crossed in front of his chest until his knuckles turn white.  
  
   
  
“Suit yourself”, he says after a minute and there’s so much venom in his voice that Gavin almost physically recoils, “You’ve had your chance. If you’re not gonna take it, I’m gone.” Without another word, the brunet pulls his phone from his pocket, – presumably to call himself a taxi – then turns on his heels and walks to the door. Just before he slams it shut behind himself he flips Gavin off. Then, the door snaps shut with such a loud boom that Gavin is now sure his neighbors will want him kicked out by tomorrow.  
  
   
  
He stands in the middle of his living room for a while longer, not sure what to do with himself next. When he finally relaxes his hands, they’re trembling. As if on autopilot, he then moves to the kitchen, grabs the bottle of vodka he had thought about earlier and drinks from it until he feels like he’s going to pass out within the next five minutes. Then he turns off all the lights, stumbles into his bedroom and passes out on his bed. He remembers how this exact same thing happened the last time he spoke with Niles and is almost tempted to laugh. But then sleep claims him – or maybe it’s just him losing consciousness, who knows? – and he’s out cold for the next few hours.  
  
   
  
When he wakes up just before noon the next day, his head is pounding but for a few precious seconds, he lives in a bubble, where neither Niles nor his problems exist. But then Gavin reaches for his phone to find out what time it is and sees that Niles has sent him a voicemail. Gavin groans and hides under the covers as the memory of last night comes crashing down on him. He doesn’t remember everything but what he remembers makes him want to change his name and move to another state.  
  
   
  
After the first wave of embarrassment ebbs away some minutes later, he tries to think rationally about what happened. In the end, it could have been worse, Gavin thinks. He didn’t sleep with Niles, which is good. And finally admitting to the brunet that he had feelings for him hadn’t felt too bad, either. Having it out there allows Gavin to decide what he wants to do next. Fairly quickly he comes to the conclusion that no matter what Niles say in that text message, he isn’t going to come crawling back to him like a puppy that desperately wants to be loved by its owner. Gavin had mentioned his feelings twice now, hoping against hope that Niles would accept them or at least soften the blow if he didn’t. The brunet had disappointed him both times. And now, Gavin isn’t going to let that happen to himself again. He isn’t going to act like these things he feels aren’t there anymore but he feels like he can deal with them better now. Last night had been sobering in that aspect and for a second or two Gavin is almost glad things happened the way they did.  
  
   
  
It takes him several more minutes until he has mentally prepared himself to listen to Niles’ message. But eventually, he gathers the courage to access the app and press the play button.  
  
   
  
“Hey, this is Niles“, the message begins and the brunet sounds painfully sober and upset, “You probably figured as much, I guess. Anyway…I wanted to apologize. Again. I wasn’t myself last night and what I did…and said…it’s just unacceptable. I’d absolutely understand if you never wanted to see me or talk to me again. But if you would…I’d like to apologize in person. I know, that sounds bad after what happened last night but I promise to be sober this time. So…yeah. I’ll hear from you or maybe not. Your call.”  
  
   
  
After it ends, Gavin listens to the message again. And then one more time. Then he turns off his phone and leaves Niles on ‘read’ for a week.  
  
   
  
Gavin takes that week to think about what he really wants and if Niles is still part of that. His opinion on that changes daily, sometimes within hours even. It’s hard for Gavin to really make out what he wants between the walls he built up over the years and the things Niles said to him. A few times he’s moments away from telling Tina everything and asking for her opinion but he never does. He got himself into this, so it’s his responsibility to get out of it again. It takes him six days and several sleepless nights until he finally comes to a conclusion but when he does, Gavin feels like he’s doing the right thing for the first time in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Comments and kudos are super appreciated. You can also say hi on twitter @NoiseStrangest!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is! Can't believe I managed to stay (somewhat) on schedule and actually finished this. I hope you all enjoy the conclusion of this story!

Gavin waits for Niles in a café a few blocks from his home. It’s not the one he usually visits with Tina because that’s his safe space and if things go downhill today he doesn’t want it stained with any bad memories. He sits right by the window and watches people pass by on the street outside. His heart is already beating harder than usual in his chest and he knows that it will only get worse once he sees Niles approach. But this time, Gavin is prepared. He’s had more than enough time to think and he’s certain that Niles’ presence won’t turn him into a rambling idiot again. A small voice at the back of his head remarks that that’s exactly what he thought the last time they met but Gavin shuts it down.   
  
Looking into the cup of coffee in front of him, Gavin almost misses it when Niles walks past the window he’s sitting behind. The brunet gives him a crooked smile through the glass that Gavin returns weakly before Niles passes and a moment later the bells above the door chime. Neither of them says a word until Niles has sat down and there is a cup of coffee in front of him too. Gavin watches his hands shake as he pours an ungodly amount of sugar into it, then stirs it with mechanical motions. Eventually, Niles heaves a sigh and finally lifts his head to look Gavin in the eyes again.  
  
“I don’t know what to say”, he admits and the expression on his face is so desperate that Gavin almost feels bad for him, “I had this whole speech prepared inside of my head and now it’s just all gone and I-“ Niles interrupts himself, clears his throat and looks helplessly at Gavin. It’s only now that the shorter male realizes in what horrible shape Niles is. The brunet looks nothing like the calm and collected person he was when they met. Instead, he looks like he has neither eaten nor slept much in the past week and the uncertain expression on his face makes him seem a lot younger than he probably actually is. He constantly fidgets and all in all, looks like a nervous wreck. Instinct tells Gavin to pull Niles into his arms and tell him that everything will be fine but he can’t let himself do that. Gavin had promised himself that he wouldn’t allow himself to fall for Niles again just like that. This time, the brunet has to prove himself worthy of Gavin’s forgiveness first.   
  
“I know I already said that but I’m really genuinely sorry”, Niles continues after a minute of silence, “It probably doesn’t mean much since the last time I wanted to apologize for my behavior I drunkenly tried to seduce you and then yelled at you when you didn’t have your way with me. But, if nothing else, I want you to know that I feel terrible for what I did. I take full responsibility for my actions and if you can’t find it in you to forgive me I would understand.”  
  
“For me to forgive you I’d need to know why you did what you did”, Gavin answers immediately and Niles winces. Gavin hadn’t thought it possible for the brunet to look even more uncomfortable but somehow he pulls it off. Compassion and the need to hug him rise up in Gavin once more but he ignores them yet again. First, he has to know what Niles motives were for treating him the way he did.   
  
“Well, the short version would be that I’m shit at dealing with my emotions”, Niles says after a moment’s hesitation, “I’ve had a lot of bad luck with previous relationships and thus keep telling myself that it’s a thing I don’t want to get caught up in again. I have lots of random hookups that lead nowhere instead so I don’t risk actually meeting someone I might like. To no one’s surprise that doesn’t always work out so every time I feel like I might catch feelings for someone if I ever saw them again, I make sure to avoid them at all cost. And that’s basically what I tried with you, too.”  
  
Suddenly lots of things fall into place for Gavin and he can’t help but feel somewhat sorry for Niles. What the brunet just described is almost word for word the reason Gavin treats a lot of people the way he does. There have just been one too many relationships that turned sour for Gavin to want to try that again any time soon. That’s why he started having all these one night stands and resolutely kicked people out the next morning. It is also the reason why he treated them like garbage whenever someone dared try to get in contact with him after a night together. Just like Niles, Gavin just doesn’t want to grow attached and that’s why he has all these walls built up around himself and continuously pushes people out of his life. Being confronted not only with being treated like that himself but learning that the reason Niles reacted to his advances the way he did are the same Gavin himself employs is like looking into a mirror. Of course, that doesn’t excuse Niles’ actions but it makes them understandable for Gavin. And if he can understand them he might just be able to give Niles another chance.  
  
The brunet runs a hand through his hand and looks incredibly nervous when Gavin doesn’t say anything for several long moments. Eventually, the silence seems to grow too unbearable for him and he begins to talk once more.  
  
“Look, I know none of this justifies what I did I just thought that you should know that I have reasons for trying to stay away from potential relationships”, Niles tells him, wringing his hands in despair, “It might sound cliché but I just got hurt one too many times and it’s also why I have all these issues with intimacy and…” Niles suddenly clamps his mouth shut as if he had already said too much and hastily takes a sip of coffee.  
  
“Issues?”, Gavin wonders, raising a brow at the brunet, “You didn’t seem to have any problems when we…” Gavin gestures between them and bites the inside of his cheek as he sees the uncomfortable expression on Niles’ face. It’ rude of him to assume that just because he hadn’t realized anything being off when they fucked that Niles might not have had any issues or felt uncomfortable, Gavin knows that. But the words have already slipped out and he can’t take them back so all he does is look as apologetic as he can. Opposite him, Niles sighs and squirms in his seat.   
  
“It’s not intimacy per se…or maybe it is, it’s just…”, Niles breaks off with a groan and lets his head hang for a few long moments.  
  
“Do we have to talk about that in such a public place?”, he asks after a while, a defeated look on his face, “It’s not like I was planning on telling you all about my weird fears and quirks anyway and having to do this here is giving me anxiety like you wouldn’t believe…”  
  
“We can go to my place”, Gavin suggests without hesitation. On the inside, he’s already scolding himself for allowing Niles back into his home so soon after what happened when he let him in the last time. But Gavin wants to know everything there is to know about why Niles acted so briskly around him in order to be able to forgive him. If that involves inviting Niles back to his place to make him feel safer when admitting his secrets that’s a price Gavin is more than willing to pay.   
  
“I’d really appreciate that if that’d be okay with you…”, Niles says and smiles softly. Gavin isn’t sure if he’s ever seen Niles this vulnerable and it tugs at his heartstrings just perfectly. If he thought he had a crush on the cold and dismissive Niles, he was now head over heels in love with this softer side of him. It was thrilling and terrifying and at the same time, Gavin was still trying to reign himself in because Niles’ hadn’t even explicitly said that he was interested in Gavin yet. There had been mentions of feelings but maybe Niles still won’t want to date Gavin at the end of the day and Gavin absolutely has to steel himself for that possibility. The only problem is that his stupid heart won’t cooperate.   
  
“I wouldn’t have offered if it wasn’t”, Gavin croaks out, then gets up to pay for their drinks. When he returns to their table, Niles is already waiting for him and holding his jacket out for Gavin. The smaller male slips into it and they leave the café together.   
  
The silence during the first few minutes of their walk to Gavin’s flat quickly becomes unbearable. Gavin still tries to make sense of the turmoil of thoughts and emotions in his head while Niles looks just about ready to bolt. To calm Niles and himself down at least a bit, Gavin begins to talk about his cats. He tells Niles about all the trouble they get in and how they never play with the toys he buys them but have fun with the boxes instead. By the time they arrive at Gavin’s flat, Niles has calmed down significantly and can’t wait to meet the cats in person.  
  
Once they get inside, Gavin leads Niles to the living room, where the brunet sits down and is immediately inspected by one of the cats. While Niles begins fussing about her, Gavin heads to the kitchen to get them something to drink. When he returns with a bottle of water and two glasses, he watches Niles gingerly pet the cat with a soft smile on his face. Gavin puts the glasses down and fills them up before sitting down next to Niles on the couch. The brunet is still engrossed with the cat, clearly avoiding conversation but Gavin isn’t having any of it.  
  
“You wanted to tell me this big secret of yours”, he reminds Niles and the brunet actually flinches. For a second, Gavin wonders if it’s a good idea to urge him to open himself this way. But then he decides that if Niles wants Gavin’s forgiveness he will have to earn it. Even if it hurts him. Niles sighs runs a hand through his hair and turns towards Gavin.  
  
“As I said, I was in a lot of shitty relationships. I just have horrible taste in men, I guess”, Niles says and Gavin nods in understanding, “I always managed to fall for those guys who were still in the closet when we dated. None of my boyfriends in high school had come out to their families at the time which always meant we had to act casual around them and had to be extra quiet when we had sex. When I got older, I had an affair with a guy who was married. We did it in his house while his family was around so I wasn’t allowed to make a lot of noise, either. You see where this is going?” Gavin nods again. It feels like there’s a lightbulb manifesting above his head like in a cartoon. Niles smiles weakly, then sighs.  
  
“Anyway, having to be so quiet all the time lead to me never really learning what sounds would just come naturally when I had sex with someone”, Niles continues his explanation, “And when I started sleeping with guys that weren’t shy about their sexuality and lived on their own they would usually get really weirded out by me staying mostly silent during the act. One time, a guy encouraged me to be noisy when he fucked me but I’d never learned what I actually sounded like so he stopped halfway through it because my fake-moans threw him off.”   
  
Gavin isn’t sure what to do with Niles’ confession. On one hand, he just wants to hug and comfort him. On the other, he wants to rant about all of Niles’ terrible exes who made him so afraid to show who he really is. In the end, he opts for some form of middle ground and places his hand over one of Niles’, where it rests on the brunet’s leg and squeezes it softly.  
  
“It’s okay, I guess. Or maybe it’s not”, the brunet mutters, looking down at their hands instead of Gavin’s face now, “After that fiasco, I decided relationships aren’t for me and went back to being quiet during sex. But I think about it most of the time, wondering if the guy I’m fucking thinks I’m weird for not making a sound. I get in this stupid headspace of worrying but also telling myself I shouldn’t care about what others think. And the more I try not to catch feels for someone the more I get into that zone and then I try to get away from them as quickly as I can to save myself the pain.”   
  
“So, yeah, that’s my whole sob story”, Niles adds after another long sigh and finally looks at Gavin again, “I know it’s not a good enough excuse for you to ignore all the shit I did to you but I figure you were right in wanting to know nonetheless.”   
  
For a long while, neither of them says anything. Niles has already laid himself bare so now it should be Gavin’s turn to react to the revelations in some way but he isn’t sure how to do that. There’s still so much information and so much turmoil wrecking his brain that speech seems near-impossible. But there’s also Niles sitting across from him on the couch, having just poured his heart out and waiting for a verdict. Gavin swallows thickly and looks down at his free hand to avoid looking Niles in the eyes.   
  
He wants to forgive Niles, to give him another chance and start over. There’s just this stubborn part of him that keeps reminding him of all the things the brunet did to him and how much it hurt and how hard he had tried to forget him. If he throws caution to the wind now and Niles ends up hurting him again, Gavin knows he’ll never be able to trust anyone again. And he’s not sure he wants to do that to himself. He also doesn’t want to force Niles to carry that burden. Gavin finds himself wishing to turn back time, find a way to make Niles stay after their night together and avoid all the disaster that came later. But he knows he can’t and he also knows that he’s been quiet for way too long. He wants to give Niles a definite answer but when he lifts his eyes he’s still not sure what it’ll be.  
  
Then, their gazes lock and Gavin’s heart stops for several seconds. He takes a good look at the insecure young man sitting opposite of him and when his mind supplies memories of their previous encounters, Gavin finds him in all their interactions. He was there when Niles picked Gavin up at the bar and fucked him into the mattress of his own bed, getting into his head way too much out of fear of being rejected. Gavin catches glimpses of him during their arguments when he had crossed his arms in front of his body as if to keep the feelings locked in his chest where he wants them to stay. And he sees that Niles sitting in front of him now, baring himself entirely for the first time, vulnerable and afraid of what Gavin might do.   
  
With sudden clarity, Gavin finds that all he knows about Niles is what the brunet had allowed himself to show him. He realizes at the same moment that he can’t love the cold-hearted person that mistreated him weeks ago. What he can do is love the Niles, who sits in front of him now. And if the true Niles is somewhere between that insecure disaster and the gentle man in front of him, Gavin will do whatever he can to make sure Niles never needs to revert to the former. Gavin knows he’s not perfect either and that it’s often neither easy nor possible to try and help someone shed their insecurities but he’s persistent and he wants to try more than anything in the world. Which leaves only one question left to ask.  
  
“Do you have feelings for me, Niles?”, Gavin hears himself ask, his voice hollow and more anxious than he would have expected. He knows Niles has talked about what he feels a lot today. But he needs to hear him say it out loud to be able to believe it. Niles’ face turns into a grimace.   
  
“Look, Gavin, if you want me to confess my undying love for you I can’t-“, the brunet begins but Gavin interrupts him with a shake of his head.  
  
“That’s not what I’m asking for”, Gavin assures the brunet, “The thing is I’m just about ready to forgive you and ask you to help me try and find a way to make things work out between us. But I can’t do that if I don’t know that we’re on the same page.” Gavin can’t remember ever talking this openly about his feelings with anyone. In any other situation, his own behavior would probably disgust him. With how often he’s told everyone and their mother how he preferred casual sex over serious relationships and his dismissive reactions to displays of intimacy one would rightfully be confused by Gavin’s current actions.  
  
But just like Niles, Gavin has a softer side that he often tries to protect. Be it from being taken advantage of or being mocked by colleagues or friends. The only one, who knows about this side of Gavin, is Tina and he doubts that even she can grasp the whole extent to which he is a hopeless romantic at heart. When there seemed to be a spark between them during their hookup Gavin had immediately latched onto it, hoping against hope that Niles had felt it too and would stay. When the brunet had declined but dropped his business card, it had been like a sign from some higher power to Gavin. Sometimes this side of himself scares or even disgusts Gavin but he figures that since Niles opened himself up like this it’s only fair if he does the same, no matter how far away from his usual character it seems.  
  
“I…”, Niles begins, immediately interrupting himself to draw a deep breath, “There’s something. I can’t put a name on it just yet but it feels amazing and I’d like to find out what it is. Preferably with you. Because I haven’t felt like that around anyone but you in a very long time.” The smallest hint of a hopeful smile tugs at the corners of Niles’ mouth and the last of Gavin’s resolve melts away just like that.   
  
“If that’s what you want we can definitely do that”, he tells Niles and watches as he relief begins to spread first in his posture, then, slowly, carefully on his face too. The brunet looks as if someone had lifted a massive weight off of his shoulders and when he draws his next breath, it bubbles out of him in a soft chuckle.  
  
“I never thought you’d forgive me when I sent you that voicemail last week”, he admits and Gavin can’t hold back the smile that spreads on his face, “Or maybe I hoped you could forgive me but I never expected…this.” The sight of Niles being so hopeful but so afraid of having it taken away again at the same time is almost more than Gavin can bare. He squeezes Niles’ one hand that he is still holding reassuringly.   
  
“We all fuck up sometimes”, Gavin says softly, “And the fact that I forgive you doesn’t mean I’ll just forget about what you did. But you trusted me enough to tell me why you did it and I feel like I understand your reasons enough to trust you in return.” Nils gives him a crooked smile at that and nods.   
  
“I’ll do my best not to disappoint you”, he tells Gavin and there’s such honesty in his words that it becomes almost painful to listen to them and not show the brunet how much it means to Gavin.  
  
“Alright then”, he says firmly, “Can we stop being sappy idiots now and kiss instead?” The words slip out of him, a layer of protectiveness he had torn down trying to build itself back up again. Niles looks confused for a moment and Gavin hurries to take it back but then the confusion melts away into another soft smile as the brunet scoots closer to him on the couch.   
  
Gavin’s heart hammers in his chest as they move in and their lips meet in a tender kiss. The smaller male remembers how much he had enjoyed the heated kisses they had shared on their first night together but this time it feels even better. There is no hurry, no ulterior motives. Just two men finally admitting their feelings for each other and pouring them all into a kiss. One of Gavin’s arms finds its way around Niles’ waist to pull him even closer while the brunet’s arms wrap around Gavin’s neck as they get lost in the contact between their bodies.   
  
They only pull apart when the need to breathe becomes overwhelming. But even when their lips are separated for the moment, their bodies stay close and it doesn’t take long until they both move in for another kiss. The cycle repeats itself several times and despite it not having been Gavin’s intention, their kisses quickly grow more heated. At the same time, hands go wandering, exploring bodies that are only somewhat familiar and leaving goosebumps in their wake. They break their kiss one last time, looking into the other’s eyes as if asking them for permission to proceed. Not a word is spoken between them but when both of them eagerly dive in for another kiss, everything that needs to be said is said by action, not words.  
  
Gavin groans into the kiss as he reclines back onto the couch and pulls Niles on top of him. He feels the brunet’s weight press down onto his body and the warmth they now share feels like a cocoon wrapping itself protectively around them. Gavin outstretches his legs once he is fully on his back on the couch to help Niles settle in-between them and hits something warm and soft with his foot. A moment later he sees his cat hop off the sofa and leave the room with an annoyed expression on her face. Gavin is almost tempted to laugh but then Niles grinds up against him and instead he moans into the kiss.  
  
“You sure you want this?”, Niles asks breathlessly, his blue eyes focused on Gavin’s green ones, “After all the shit that went down between us maybe we should…you know, take things slow…”  
  
“Do you want to take things slow?”, Gavin asks, raising a brow. He buries one of his hands in Niles’ hair and tugs on it – something he remembers the brunet enjoying the last time they were together like this. A full-body shudder wrecks Niles’ lithe frame and he gasps softly.  
  
“Fuck no”, he breathes, one hand finding its way underneath Gavin’s t-shirt, “I’m down with this if you are.”  
  
Gavin grins and pulls Niles into another heated kiss. A moment later he groans again when Niles shifts above him to find a more comfortable position and brushes against Gavin’s growing erection. The brunet smirks into their kiss and Gavin has a sinking feeling that a more confident Niles is making a return and he finds that he doesn’t mind one bit.   
  
They continue trading deep, needy kisses between them, while they grind against each other. Naturally, Gavin doesn’t hold back any of the noises that escape him and he wishes Niles would do the same. But he guesses that kind of thing takes time and as long as Niles enjoys himself Gavin doesn’t mind his being quiet either way. Despite it only being the second time they are together like this, it already feels much more intimate than before. They still don’t really know each other but it feels much less like making out with a stranger and much more like doing it with someone Gavin has known for a long time. There’s more trust and a lot more emotion in all movements, sounds, and touches they exchange between them and neither has to say a word to be understood.  
  
Gavin is torn from his thoughts and a low groan escapes him when one of Niles’ hands worms its way underneath his shirt and squeezes one of his pecs. A whimper follows when the fingers of said hand begin squeezing and thumbing his nipple. Gavin’s nipples had always been almost ridiculously sensitive and he can’t help the bucking of his hips when Niles’ slender digits tease them. Gavin decides to do something for Niles in turn and places both of his hands on the globes of the brunet’s perfect ass. When he squeezes them tightly, Niles breaks the kiss and lets out a shuddering breath. Gavin chuckles at that and they tease each other a little while longer before he loses patience. His hands wander from Niles’ butt to the hem of his shirt and try to pull it upwards and off of him.   
  
“Oh, do I get to take my shirt off this time?”, the brunet asks in mock-surprise and Gavin feels a blush rise to his cheeks. Niles moves back to kneel above him and makes a show of toying with his shirt without actually taking it off.  
  
“I said I was sorry about your turtleneck”, he replies petulantly but Niles only smirks down at him.  
  
“Don’t be”, he breathes as he pulls the shirt over his head and throws it somewhere behind himself, “I thought it was hot.” Gavin groans again, hips grinding up once more but with the change in position, there’s not nearly enough friction anymore. The muscles in his stomach quiver when Niles’ hands find their way underneath his shirt and push up against it until it bunches somewhere just beneath his chest. Gavin makes to sit up too so he can get out of his shirt but Niles presses him back onto the couch. There’s a reverent smile on his face as he lets his fingers ghost over Gavin’s chest and down his stomach in featherlight touches until they land on the fly of his jeans.   
  
Gavin watches with rapt attention as Niles pops the button and pulls the zipper down. Next, the brunet shoves his jeans and briefs down just enough to free his aching erection from the confines of the fabric and Gavin holds his breath. The first contact of skin on skin is pure bliss and Gavin releases the air trapped inside him with a moan. Niles gives him a few experimental strokes, running his thumb over the tip where precome is already gathering to make the glide easier. One of Gavin’s hands finds its way down to the crotch of Niles’ jeans and it’s then when he feels the brunet’s straining hard-on press against the fabric that he snaps out of his blissed-out stupor and sets on pleasuring Niles in return.  
  
He attempts to take things slow and tease the brunet a bit but Niles is having none of that. The moment Gavin has his jeans open, Niles lets go of Gavin’s dick to shove his pants and underwear down in one insistent motion. Gavin wants to say something but no words will come to him so he decides to make his mouth useful some other way. He licks a broad stripe across the palm of his right hand and then promptly wraps it around Niles’ cock. The brunet heaves a sigh of relief and closes his eyes in pleasure. His hand on Gavin’s length stills for a moment as the shorter male begins to stroke him slowly, watching as attentively as he possibly can for signs that what he is doing feels good for Niles. Eventually, Niles’ tightens his grip on Gavin’s cock and picks up the pace he had established before.   
  
Countless moans and pleas spill from Gavin’s lips as the two men continue to jerk each other off. Niles’ slender fingers tighten and tease him in a way that leaves Gavin trembling with need. He tries to return the favor but without the sounds of pleasure he’s used to from other partners, it’s still a bit hard for Gavin to pin down whether he’s done something right or not. But he’s willing to learn and soon he finds that the way Nines’ breath hitches is an excellent indicator to tell him if the brunet likes something. Gavin closes his eyes and soon feels like he’s getting a hang of Niles’ different breathing patterns and what they mean. Pride wells up in his chest, feeding into the pleasure that coils low in his belly. But something still feels amiss.   
  
When his tongue darts out to lick over his lower lip for the third time in just a few seconds, Gavin finally realizes what he’s missing. He needs Niles to be closer to him, wants to kiss him and taste the desire on his lips. Gavin opens his eyes to hopefully catch Niles’ gaze and convey to the brunet what he wants. When his eyes land on Niles, a wave of white-hot arousal surges through him and he bucks into the brunet’s hand with a desperate whimper. Niles is still kneeling above him, eyes shut and somewhere deep in his headspace. But his body is shaking with arousal and despite not having any vocal confirmation Gavin is suddenly sure that Niles is just as close as he is.   
  
“Niles”, he manages to gasp on his third attempt at catching the brunet’s attention. Niles’ eyes fly open and the look of utter want in them is almost enough to send Gavin tumbling over the edge right then and there. It takes all of his willpower to focus on forming his next words.  
  
“Come here”, he pants, his free hand finding its way into Niles’ curls and pulling him down into a searing kiss. Niles goes willingly and when their lips meet he lets out the softest of moans. But Gavin hears it loud and clear and he grinds up against Niles’ body.  
  
Since they are now joined from head to toe, Niles takes the opportunity to wrap his hands around both their lengths and stroke them together. Gavin moans into the kiss and feels Niles smile against his lips. Quickly, he pulls his now free hand out from between their bodies and brings it back to Niles’ backside, where he squeezes and fondles the firm cheeks of the brunet’s ass. Niles’ breath stutters out of him, their kiss breaking as the movements of his hand on their dicks speeds up. Between Gavin’s near-constant moans and whimpers and Niles’ own breathlessness and erratic movements, it’s impossible to bring their lips back together.  
  
At this point, Gavin is too far gone to even try and kiss Niles. His body is tight as a bowstring, his hips thrusting into the ring of Niles’ fingers on their own accord. Gavin feels his orgasm building but it isn’t until Niles’ mouth moves from his lips to his neck and teeth clamp down onto the muscle there that he tumbles over the edge. He hears himself cry out in pleasure over the thundering of his own heart. Heat courses through his every vein as he spills between Niles’ and his body and leaves pleasant tingles in its wake. Gavin hasn’t even fully come down from his own high when he hears a poorly-suppressed whimper next to his ear and sees and feels Niles unravel above him. The brunet’s hot breath against the side of his neck has Gavin breaking out into goosebumps and even though he has only just found his release, his dick gives a twitch of arousal at seeing Niles reach his climax.   
  
Soon after, Niles collapses on top of Gavin and they just lie there, breathless, panting and satisfied for several long moments.   
  
  
  
“I think we should take a shower”, Niles says after a while, “But I don’t want to get up…”  
  
“Then don’t”, Gavin replies with a chuckle and wraps an arm around Niles’ torso to keep him in place, “I’m too tired to move anyway.”  
  
“So, nap first, then shower?”, Niles asks and Gavin nods, “Sounds good in my book.” The brunet stretches and they move only as much as they have to to find a comfortable position on the couch. Gavin is already drifting off when doubt starts to rise in his chest.  
  
“You’ll be here when I wake up, right?”, he wants to know, his grip on Niles tightening without his conscious decision.  
  
“Oh absolutely”, Niles promises with a soft smile, “You’re stuck with me now.”   
  
“Wouldn’t want to have it any other way”, Gavin replies and feels a big, stupid grin spread on his face. But Niles returns it and that makes it all okay.  
  
As if on cue, both of them move in and their lips meet halfway in a soft and tender kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. Thank all of you who stuck around, left comments, kudos and everything. I'm really really grateful for all of those and every word of encouragement I got. 
> 
> It was fun writing this story and I do think I might want to write another oneshot or two in this setting. One would be an alternate third chapter where things don't end quite as well and another one something further down the line in their relationship but I can't say if/when I'll have the motivation to get to that. I'm already working on my next story, though, and maybe I'll see some of you around for that too.
> 
> As always: Come say hi on twitter @NoiseStrangest !

**Author's Note:**

> Okay the actual talk will have to take place in the next chapter. I'll try to get that up as soon as I can but I can't really promise anything. Sorry again.
> 
> Hope you liked it. Comments and kudos are much appreciated. You can also say hi on twitter @NoiseStrangest


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